Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
