can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
