Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
