i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
