U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Is it because I queefed?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
