My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
