Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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