You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
