So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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