he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
