He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize