wrigley field is MILF paradise
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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