thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
