You just made me feel so damn special
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
