Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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