idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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