STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
