he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
