he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
