bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I will pee on everything he values.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
