i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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