Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
