We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
