Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
