Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
