That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize