I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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