please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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