you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Every concussion has its silver lining
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
