Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
two words...techno handjob
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
