In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
