dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize