ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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