Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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