you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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