Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
