go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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