i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
