so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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