I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize