I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
