Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
