everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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