Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
