Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
