Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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