I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Too much gin, very little bucket
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
