Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
