My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
