yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize