all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
