grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
