I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize