Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
