Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
