listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
