He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
