she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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