I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
