i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
