you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
