You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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