got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
