I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
