The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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