I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
