I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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