Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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