Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
