I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
