And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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