all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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