two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
