Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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