I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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